A Room of Her Own

When I was a little girl, my Mother read Virginia Woolf's "A Room of One's Own." I remember her telling me how important it is for everyone to have a special place of their own. At the time I thought that was so silly. I never felt the need to go someplace on my own. Looking back on that time I realize that's because I had a room of my own. Really, I had the entire house to myself to enjoy independent playtime. My brother was eight years older, so he and I rarely crossed paths. In fact, when I was eight years old he was sixteen and had his own car. So obviously, I had plenty of private time to do what I chose to do. I could not understand why my Mom longed for a place to herself.

Now I am a mother, and I completely understand the need for a room of one's own. I have no private retreat anymore. I have no privacy, no solitude, and very seldom any peace. With three young children, my days are filled with a barrage of requests, demands, and constant service. I accept my role and realize service is exactly what I am called to do right now. In a short period of time, probably only fourteen more years, my children will be grown up and on their own. For now, however, I am left to daydream about my own private retreat away from them. I love them with every fiber of my being! But I also have my limits. I like to refer to it as my "patience tank." It's just the tank on a car...we all have tanks that must be filled. There's our physical tank, our spiritual tank, etc. I have a patience tank, and when it's empty I'd like someplace private to go and refill it.

What would my private retreat look like? To start with, no children would be allowed. There would be no walking in on me in the bathroom. There would be no whining, no fighting, and no need for assigning time outs. Secondly, I would design it to include all of my favorite things that define who I am. I'd have it nicely decorated with comfortable furniture perfect for lounging with a cup of coffee and spending time with girlfriends. Then I'd install a state of the art theater system with satellite TV so I could watch the movies I like to watch and listen to the music I want to hear. There would be a built in work center to keep my books, photos, art supplies, and a huge desk space to scrapbook or create anything I want. It would have lots of flowers inside, as well as beautiful pictures on the walls. I would light scented candles without the fear that a toy flying through the air would pose a fire hazard.

Some of the activities strictly forbidden in the room of my own would include:
No balancing the checkbook...no grocery shopping...no laundry...no cooking a nice supper only to have half the family whine, "I don't like it."

I would never have to:
Pay bills...wipe up spilled Kool-aid...clean up vomit...pick dried up Playdough out of the rug...scrub the toilets.

The strain of trying to make myself attractive to my husband would also be unnecessary. He would not be allowed in my private retreat either. After all, how can I refill my patience tank when I'm being compared to nineteen year old Victoria's Secret models he ogles on TV? Not only have they never given birth to three children, but they also have spent more on plastic surgery for those inhuman breasts and stick legs than I spent on college! The dress code for the room of my own would include old, comfortable tee-shirts, sweatpants, and absolutely no make-up!

Some of you reading this might think my voice sounds extremely angry. I'm really not angry or resentful. Please understand I feel so blessed with the people in my life. God has given me abundant blessings in every aspect of my life. There is nothing in my life I would change. I just think all mothers should be allowed their own private retreat. It took me twenty-seven years to finally understand what my mother longed to have. I finally comprehend what it means to dream about "A Room of One's Own."

American Pride

This entry is titled, "American Pride" and it sums up my feeling after visiting Washington DC. I don't know how anyone could visit our nations capital without being filled with pride for our country. Without a doubt, I think we are fortunate to live in The United States of America. Sure, we have our problems these days. Absolutely I hope for a better future that my children can enjoy. But compared to other choices across the globe we are so lucky!

This picture was taken of us in The White House Rose Garden. My thanks to Doug Hoelscher for arranging a tour of the West Wing. My praise goes to God who kept us safe the entire trip and made everything amazing for us!

I was surprised at how small the West Wing and Oval Office were. Movies and television make it look so much bigger. It was elegant and awe inspiring nonetheless. I was also impressed with the kindness of everyone we encountered in Washington DC. I just assumed with it being a city, there would be some rudeness. On the contrary, everyone from taxi drivers, to security guards, to secret service, to waiters, to subway passengers were so polite and kind.

We left Washington DC feeling proud, and quite frankly I fell in love with the city. It was clean, polite, and even regal.

Of course, I leave politics out because there are a lot of things going on in the political arena that I don't agree with.

Footprints in the sand

I always like the poem, "Footprints in the sand". It always made me feel so loved, so at peace. Last year our family took a trip to Seattle WA. The part of the trip the kids loved the most was seeing the ocean and the beach. This picture of Andrew and I just exemplifies the happy feeling we all had that day. We walked along looking for seashells and enjoying the solitude. It was a wonderful respite from the chaotic world in which we live.

Today I was thinking about the irony that this year we are traveling to Washington DC. Last year Washington state, this year Washington DC. From one coast to the other, we are sure covering some ground. It also occurred to me, even though I'm not superstitious, that we will fly on 07/07/07. Hopefully, the significance of that number doesn't escape you! It's the number for our Beloved, Magnificent Creator, God. And how many times does that number occur on our calendar? If those of you reading my blog don't already know I'm a Christian, you will soon. ;-)

I was raised in a Christian home, but until recently I didn't realize how to really live a Christ centered life. I guess you could say I was reborn last fall 2006 during a class I took titled Alpha. Or maybe a better way to describe it would be reawakened. Life takes on a whole new perspective for me, and I have a whole new Joy and Love in my heart. Because of that, I'm not worried about what the world might bring our way. This is a verse from the Bible that I love and it applies so well to our upcoming trip:

"He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

Off to DC

Well, I can't believe I've finally done it. I have a Blog! I decided it was time to succumb to the twenty-first century. We are leaving this weekend for a trip to Washington DC. The kids are really excited! Truth be told, so am I. I was only eight years old the last time I visited DC. That's the same age as Emma! Now as an adult I will get a whole new appreciation for it. We are going to see many of the basic sites, The White House, The Capital, etc. Our hotel is close to Arlington National Cemetery. My only hesitation is the thought of carting around three very excited kids through crowded subway stations. I love my children so much, but they can go deaf at the most inopportune times.



Today for some reason I thought about my old favorite TV show, "Thirtysomething." I was in high school when it aired on ABC many years ago. It dawned on me today that I'm thirtysomething and living the life they did on the show. When I first tuned into the show as a high schooler, I dreamt of the day I could be like them. It seemed so far away. Now here I am, thirty-five years old, and dealing with the same issues they dramatized. We have three children, bills to pay, relationships to sow, death of friends to grieve, etc. However, life snuck up on me so fast. I cannot believe it's been seventeen years since I graduated from high school.



My life turned out a lot differently than I thought it would as a high school senior. I'm not living in the city I thought, I didn't marry who I thought I would, my career changed, and I certainly didn't expect to have three kids. Yet, my life is so full of love, friendship, and abundant joy. It turned out better than I expected, and I have most of you that will read this to thank for that.



My reason for publishing this blog is to put into words so many of the thoughts and questions that run through my mind. These days with three kids to keep track of, my brain usually feels like it's in utter chaos. I'm more forgetful now than ever before. I like to refer to it as "Mother's Alzheimers." I only have so many brain cells, and the kids seem to zap them all before I can use them.



Please post your comments as you feel moved...I will post thoughts, questions, ponderings, as I have them. Don't expect anything profound. Much of my writing will seem trite. But my hope is my blog can open up some deeper thoughts and conversations in a safe environment.