A Room of Her Own

When I was a little girl, my Mother read Virginia Woolf's "A Room of One's Own." I remember her telling me how important it is for everyone to have a special place of their own. At the time I thought that was so silly. I never felt the need to go someplace on my own. Looking back on that time I realize that's because I had a room of my own. Really, I had the entire house to myself to enjoy independent playtime. My brother was eight years older, so he and I rarely crossed paths. In fact, when I was eight years old he was sixteen and had his own car. So obviously, I had plenty of private time to do what I chose to do. I could not understand why my Mom longed for a place to herself.

Now I am a mother, and I completely understand the need for a room of one's own. I have no private retreat anymore. I have no privacy, no solitude, and very seldom any peace. With three young children, my days are filled with a barrage of requests, demands, and constant service. I accept my role and realize service is exactly what I am called to do right now. In a short period of time, probably only fourteen more years, my children will be grown up and on their own. For now, however, I am left to daydream about my own private retreat away from them. I love them with every fiber of my being! But I also have my limits. I like to refer to it as my "patience tank." It's just the tank on a car...we all have tanks that must be filled. There's our physical tank, our spiritual tank, etc. I have a patience tank, and when it's empty I'd like someplace private to go and refill it.

What would my private retreat look like? To start with, no children would be allowed. There would be no walking in on me in the bathroom. There would be no whining, no fighting, and no need for assigning time outs. Secondly, I would design it to include all of my favorite things that define who I am. I'd have it nicely decorated with comfortable furniture perfect for lounging with a cup of coffee and spending time with girlfriends. Then I'd install a state of the art theater system with satellite TV so I could watch the movies I like to watch and listen to the music I want to hear. There would be a built in work center to keep my books, photos, art supplies, and a huge desk space to scrapbook or create anything I want. It would have lots of flowers inside, as well as beautiful pictures on the walls. I would light scented candles without the fear that a toy flying through the air would pose a fire hazard.

Some of the activities strictly forbidden in the room of my own would include:
No balancing the checkbook...no grocery shopping...no laundry...no cooking a nice supper only to have half the family whine, "I don't like it."

I would never have to:
Pay bills...wipe up spilled Kool-aid...clean up vomit...pick dried up Playdough out of the rug...scrub the toilets.

The strain of trying to make myself attractive to my husband would also be unnecessary. He would not be allowed in my private retreat either. After all, how can I refill my patience tank when I'm being compared to nineteen year old Victoria's Secret models he ogles on TV? Not only have they never given birth to three children, but they also have spent more on plastic surgery for those inhuman breasts and stick legs than I spent on college! The dress code for the room of my own would include old, comfortable tee-shirts, sweatpants, and absolutely no make-up!

Some of you reading this might think my voice sounds extremely angry. I'm really not angry or resentful. Please understand I feel so blessed with the people in my life. God has given me abundant blessings in every aspect of my life. There is nothing in my life I would change. I just think all mothers should be allowed their own private retreat. It took me twenty-seven years to finally understand what my mother longed to have. I finally comprehend what it means to dream about "A Room of One's Own."